Day 50

Wednesday Day 50...

God is Sovereign.. He keeps showing me that over and over and Over.. i can't believe it's been so long since my last log, so much has happened. Not to mention, really great weekends, and fun times. Also, a reminder of how OBEDIENCE is so important..

my face is breaking out pretty bad, i also haven't had hearty helpings of tomatoes, nor washed with them in a while.. (Sigh) .. when will she learn..

anywho. i intend on giving a comprehensive more detailed report of what the Lord has been showing me.. just too much to do tonight..

Love you

good night.

day 41

God is sovereign.

Day 37

Joshua always used to say, we are Human Beings.. not Human "Doings"...

it's amazing how quickly, i can forget such truths.

Today was an interesting day. I went to work.. well let me back track a little bit, ever since I got the word " wake up, and answer the call" (remind me I have to ask the Lord more questions in regards to that) getting out of the bed, has been a real struggle! Like seriously.. this morning I was having a weird dream, Sabrina and Robin were in it, we were all at this women's convention or retreat or something..and somebody would say something about the end-times..and they would both look at each other, and make this face.. with their hands up, like striking a pose or something.. it was really weird.. but, I could get up out of the bed.. like, it was a couple times.. I new I was running late, and I just couldn't get up. it was nuts. SOooo I got to work late.. like really late.. and even though I got plenty of sleep last night..super sleepy on the drive in. When I got to work, things flowed pretty smoothly.. no real rushing going on, just flowed, till the COB.

Then I drove home.. and was talking to Lynnette, then i did my Haitian Creole cd. I'm on lesson 5 I think.

anywho.. i was headed to the Rivendell for bible study, we've ben praying for this ladies healing from withdrawl symptoms.. so i was lifting her up among other things.. I met CJ tonight.. got to pray with her, and got into the word a bit, and she got to taste raw cashews for the first time.

uh oh 12:45 sleep time! goodnight!

to be continued

rough word..the Lord gave me revelation tonight (mon) for the dream . rev 3:1-3 Sigh.. I've gotta get it together.

Day 36

I love lil old church Grandma's.. Tonight I met Nan.. and she's awesome.. kept telling me how pretty I was.. then at the end of church , asked me to tell her about myself.. then as I looked into her eyes, I started crying.. she said, she could look into my eyes, and see a deep sadness. then she pulled Christian over to pray with us.. I could feel the anointing as they laid hands and agreed in prayer.. Then when she prayed for me, she pulled out that lonely bit, along with, being stripped down.. it was a lot but good. GOD IS SOVEREIGN..

There are so many things that I just DO NOT KNOW..and I am finally just going to say it.

I DON"T KNOW..what's next.. what I'm supposed to do.

but what I do know , is that I'm God's Daughter, and He loves me, and He KNOWS>. and I have to just really TRUST Him..and Learn how to LOVE others..

Goodnight..

Day 35

So today I had a really good conversation with an old friend of mine. I was sharing with him the things that the Lord is saying and doing, the crap within me that HE's been revealing..and How i used to struggle with being controlling.. he interrupted after i yapped for a while.. "well, my time with you , I wouldn't say you were controlling" .. and that made me think.. hmm.. maybe I'm using the worn word.. he was like...it was something..but I'm not sure if it was "control".. so we sat and reflected a while.. then it came out.. I had a "trust" issue.. i didn't trust People.. so i would like to control the situation..bc i didn't trust them to follow through, or to do their part.. I think it wasn't only people, that I've had trust issues with... As i process this.. it's all coming back to the fact that GOD IS SOVEREIGN>.and I've got to REALLY believe that.. and TRUST HIm.. that's why i try to hold onto stuff.. bc of TRUST issues.. but I'm claiming the VICTORY..and I've Already seen the Lord's hand in it.. that crap is breaking off!
Thank you Jesus!

this hasn't been my life favorite verse for nothing..i don't think its a coincidence..

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Trust in the Lord , with all your heart, and Lean not on your own understanding , in all your ways, acknowledge HIm, and he will direct your paths.

earlier, i was online - on craigslist looking for a jambe.. and found a keyboard for 20 bucks.. i figure ..if i have a keyboard downstairs.i will actually practice everyday..bc if i get in too late..i can't get on the piano.. so I got all the way out Glenburnie... only to find..they tried it..right before i got there..and the durn thing didn't work anymore.. so they gave it to me for free..

then i prayed with them for their baby, they had had two miscarriages.. so the trip wasn't a total loss.. shucks...that was probably why i went out there .. God knows.. anywho..

Got back ont is side.. picked up some corn, romaine lettuce, no sugar added 100% Grapefruit Juice raw cashews and .. then went to home Depot, and got some particle board, and wood..to PAINT ON!

oh Glory.. the Joy of the Lord is my Strength!

HE'S SOVEREIGN..

11:30 . deuces!

Day 34

Praise God for my struggles!

like.. wow.. I get it.. no need to feel sorry for myself.. ohhh woe is me.. why does God discipline me so? why do I have to beat my flesh daily.. oh woe is me.. why am I pushing so hard, to try to do right? ohhh woe woe woe..

chuckle at least I'm struggling, and not wallowing in the filth.. I praise God becasue He saved me, and He keeps

Praise Jesus..
Have a good day

Prayer tonight was awesome.. felt very FREE.. Even broke out into a spoken word vibe, Joshua started free-styling, i think even beat boxing at one time, but it was incredibly anointed and powerful..so Good..

" I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breath hear your heart beat, this love is so deep, its more than I can stand, I melt at your feet, it's overwhelming."

Like really , I DO want to.. and I shall..

i love Unity in the Spirit..
goodnight.

Day 33

so..
this weekend was alot...

Friday was awesome.. we checked out the Justice House of Prayer JHOP for the first time.. it was a great experience. The bible does say to pray for the authority in the land, and we did. Afterward me and the ladies, went on a treasure hunt.. It really is amazing how the Lord will give you clues, and if you just follow Him,and His leading, you will find the treasure.. this was quite the experience..and nothing is silly or ridiculous..if you get a verse that you don't understand..just write it down..and watch him unfold his plan for your evening through scripture.. so awesome!

Saturday Morning.. I slept in.. (this is becoming a pattern)
Then my big brother Perry took my sister Chanali and I to the Sight and Sound Theatre to see the story of Joseph! believe it or not.. that was my first time..and what an awesome experience..to see the scriptures come to life like that, without that much wavering from the scriptures..was amazing..I was weeping throughout.. God's word is awesome..and Joseph's steadfastness.. i could see his human side, and how he had to fight his flesh through out , but he kept passing those test man!..and "stood upright" for Christ.

Saturday night, i wrote in my journal how I was feeling..
(See below)
How do I feel right now... very ALONE... I feel very alone in this walk right now.. wich is odd because i really do have a great community, i have friends, both brothers and sisters that the Lord has placed around me, to sharpen me and love, care, and pray for each other.. But the reality of how i feel right now is very alone" Perhaps that's how I'm supposed to feel. I'm soley clinging on to the Lord right now.. I feel like he's the only permanent factor in these equations.. Even some of my closest friendships have been tested and tried lately...and I don't always have faith that both sides will fight to keep it, yah know? but God... At the end of the day.. i Love Him more.. so I'm just trusting, that he teach me how to Love, and that His love, is what keeps the relationships I have going... PErhaps this ALONE feeling, is because the reality of it is, that i AM alone on this journey..and no one has ever walked it before ..simply because it's MY journey.. and it's UNIQUE.. Go d even disciplines me, the way that I , ASHLEy needs it.. it's crazy..

LAtely I've felt discouraged, at how easily distracted i can be sometimes... like SERIOUSLY> the most challenging thing, I'm finding in life has been to STAY focused on God Alone.. I was very heavy hearted about this and I prayed and asked the Lord for a word.. so i let my bible open randomly and stuck my finger in there.. and it landed on the verse.. Psalm 27
then i read the verses I had previously underlined..and it blessed my soul!

Psalm 27:1
The lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--

:4
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

:8
My Heart says of you, "seek his face! Your face LORD I will seek.

:14 Wait for the Lord be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

These verses really ministered to me in that broken moment, and my tears dried up immediately.. I prayed the prayer.. One thing I ask O Lord, and this one thing I seek.. and at the end.. it instructs.. WAIT FOR THE LORD.. BE STRONG and TAKE HEART and WAIT for the LORD.. so LORD .. I shall WAIT for you .. :) I love you!


Sunday Morning.. I slept in..
then the Lord woke me up.. i don't remember the rest of my dream before this, but I don't think i'll ever forget this part..
i heard this incredibly loud ringing and a voice say "Wake up and answer the call!"

then i jumped up and there was no phone ringing.. just me looking around my empty room, wondering what that meant.

I think it's time to stop turning over, and get to business..yah know.. WAKE UP.. no more fantasy world...Time is running out.

so yeah.. that's about it. oh yeah.. this was said Saturday night and it stuck with me.. and i have a whole new way of looking things.. check it out.. he said..

" a casual approach to the prophetic word will cause unnecessary casualties."

no more doing just enough to get by.. from now on, I'm trying to be obedient to the T.. this laid back stuff, letting this slide and that.. not trying to be legalistic or anything, but, for me.. i desire to do things as if for the Lord.. i said.. i was going to go without sweets..and yet was still drinking drinks with sugar..eating raisins and super sweet dried fruits. and sugary smoothies. there is a higher standard, that I'm trying to stand for.. no more cutting corners..it's may seem silly, but it's a reflection on how I've handled God's instructions and words in the past. The Lord told me to eat tomatoes..lol its a crazy example..but for me it's true.. and he even told me to stop talking on the phone while driving..

one common theme, i'm noticing with how the Lord disciplines me..it's usually pretty abrupt and clear boundaries are always drawn.. which apparently i need.. (sigh)

and here's another it's 12:31 1 minute over my computer time.. goodnight

Day 30

JOY!

1 Peter 1: 6-9

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have comeso that your faith of greater worth than gold , which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when jesus Christ i revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him, and even though you you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressabl and glorius joy, for you recieveing the goal of your faith, the salvation of your sins!

Day 29

RAW - TIP

"juicing" make sure you brush or at least rinse after drinking juice..the sugar can eat away at your teeth.. I had a dentitst appt. today, and almost had to get a root canal.. and gum issues..not saying the juice was the issue, but it probably contributed to some of the decay.. it's so important to floss you guys :) .. I need to practice the discipline of flossing..aloing with my spiritual diciplines..

I think i's so Awesome , how the Lord will show you things, if you just pay attention!

Don't believe the hype yall.. the new buzz words in christianity are " Spirit lead" and 'prophetic" , well the proof is in the pudding, that's all i've got to say.. Everything that calls itself prophetic ain't., seemingly the less we put all the labels on things, the closer we can get to the way God intended for them to be. go figure. oh and , saying it's time to put " new wine, in new wine skins" is out of context if you are supporting the name change of a church. smh.. we can go to all the the conference e want, and listen to all of the messages, and have all the resources,and higher the best people, and take all the classes, to see how to do something.. But if it's not TRULY SPirit, Lead... meaning, your vision came from God, and He is continually unfolding it, as you walk and trust Him, how authentic can it really be. < just venting> ( I might delete this later)

It made me look at myself.. Ashley... Are you just using the buzz words? are you falling into the hype..or are you pressing in to The Lord, and doing what you need to do to hear and have your won encounter. everyone's formula don't work for you.. You have to listen..because he has some specific instructions for YOU! and getting quiet.. and asking the questions, is proving to help with this, I believe.

It's all about loving God.. I drew this diagram/visual thingy today..and it's really helping me see, how real it is.. if Lover;s of Jesus, will Love God.. and focus on looking upward, we won't have to focus on the people, and winning them so much, if we Love God, then His love will overflow, and the people that we are called will receive Love, because of our Loving God.. but the kicker is this. what they are experiencing from you ..isn't YOUR love..it's Gods! you are just the vessel, so if we pour our energy into pursuing God's face, His Heart, our heart will then begin to become like his heart, and his heart Loves people..HIS Love is what they will see.. and they intern will praise our father in heaven.. i love it, I love this cycle.. but we won't loose our focus. When ever we take our eye off of God.. we've lost our focus. PERIOD and that is a dangerous place to be.

Day 28

Glory to God!

To Him who sits on the Throne, and Unto the Lamb... This Son was in my Spirit this morning as I pulled up to the office today. Be blessed.



God is simply amazing..

I was reading 1 Peter 1 last night, and this blessed me so much. How jesus was chosen to be a lamb for our ransom even before teh earth was created.. like .. what!? What kind of love is that.. I can't even comprehend it.

20 He was chosen before the creation of th eworld, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 through him you believe in god, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

Day 28

Glory to God!

To Him who sits on teh Throne, and Unto the Lamb... This Son was in my Spirit htis morning as I pulled up to the office today. Be blessed.

God is simply amazing..

I was reading 1 Peter 1 last night, and this blessed me so much. How jesus was chosen to be a lamb for our ransom even before teh earth was created.. like .. what!? What kind of love is that.. I can't even comprehend it.

20 He was chosen before the creation of th eworld, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 through him you believe in god, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

RAW TIP

When making smoothies, a quick convenient and easy way to add your greens, is by blendig frozen spinach. TOnight i had, frozen spinach, strawberries, mixed fruits, tomatoe, and pear smoothie.. added water and sha-wing!

:)

Enjoy!

Also today I found that dried apricots can make you very gassy when eaten in high volume.

Day 27

Great weekend.

Today is was the day that one of my best friends was Born. Oh God I thank you for her life. I thank you for placing us in the same community, and the Love, that you've given us toward each other. Like david and Jonathan we always say.. Yoked together.. so awesome.. ! Happy Birthday Chanali I love you so...

So traveling this weekend, I got some good reading time in, which was God. Thank you Lord for your grace. I've got to figure out ,why i get motion sickness in the back seat though, i imagine, with my calling, I'm going to need to ride in the back seat for long periods of time, at some point. So I pray again it, and Lord if you are trying to teach me something through it, please reveal it.

I read the Book of Obadiah and Amos, perhaps for the first time.

Obadiah was cool.. Not to many deep revelations, I think i need to read it a few times over. Speak Lord , Your servant is listening.

Amos, had a strong social justice them it seems. It talked over and over... about living in Excess.. It made me think about American culture..and Even in the Western church, this prosperity gospel teaching.. and how it's now being spread to the other countries..

Amos 3: 8

' The lion has roared who will not fear? The Sovereign Lord has spoken-- who can but prophesy"

I like how he's like this normal dude, not from royalty or anything.. He's a shepherd and gardener.. but, when the Lord speaks..He MUST speak.. like..We MUST.. no option here..

(SONG BREAK) - Thanks for introducing this song to me Joshua :)

You are , my Source of LIfe

I can't be left behind

No one else will do

I will take hold of you

I need you Jesus... I need you Jesus!

to be continued..

Day 24

Help me Lord..

Every time I feel like I'm finally getting it, I start to second guess something, Lord I pray that you show me my heart and my motives.

Is it possible for me to unplug and plug in to Him?

Lord I release control, in Jesus name.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So I just came back from a beautiful homegoing seervice for one of the saints. it really felt like, my old church, the one I grew up at. And the Word was on point. Glory to God.

Psalm 119: 9-11

2 Thess 5

The Word.. is what keeps us

all of this stuff, is tied together man..

(to be continued)