FEAR..
I'm sooooo sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired of Dealing with Fear! like really.. every time I feel like I've gotten some Freedom, or a release of boldness, or confidence in Christ versus my Flesh.. it comes back. I'm tires of having to RE-Conquer things.. like this is really getting old.
So the other night , I was talking to a friend and they asked me what it was that I was afraid of. I don't know! One conclusion I came to is, that I feel "unsure" .. but not really. Like, I think it's a sabotage tactic, or an attempt to not deal with reality. I'd speak of things the Lord has told me to do, with uncertainty, bc if i totally embraced it, that would mean I'd actually have to do it. Why is it so easy to really on others for confirmation, when we truly believe the Lord speaks. no more.
Another thing that came out , was feeligs of being left out, becasue I've ALWAYS been different. My life has been unique, and there is confidence in agreement for me. So when I'm to do something ALONE, it's like.. well wait.. idk, and fear creeps in. Have I ever done ANYTHING alone? I'm 26 years old, I live at home.. I've never had to rock the boat or really shake things up, on my own.. perhaps now is the time.
I was also asked this question.
Are you PASSIONATE? or is it that you WANT to be Passionate..
When I think about the different areas of my life.. my art.. I like it.. never been very passionate. In college I would try to do what others did, to replicate or produce work like them..but the truth was, I was never really Passionate about it. I could do it, and do it well , a skill.. but never my passion.
So OAm I just not a PASSIONATE person?..
I know i WANT to be Passionate, that happens to be a trait that I'm attracted to, and I hope to acquire..it's a GOOD thing right?
What I've found is, the one thing that I am passionate about it Loving God, Being Love, seeing the Gospel preached, and lost people come to JESUS, and grow in Him.. TO KNOW Him.. :) I'm passionate about that. I'll lose sleep over it, I'll sacrifice for it. But that's like, just about it. AND THAT IS OKAY!!!!! :)
I share the same feelings! As I regonized that my mission feild was here at my home church with the young people and in my household with my daughter...its seemed that although my passion and lasting desire was to serve in that compasity its seemed that HE didnt want me to rest there. What more is there to learn in and out of work places? What could my assignment be since I have less and less time with the young people I am so passinate about.
ReplyDeleteSooo tore because those same young people have been erking me also...but its like the lack of time, lack of sleep, and lack of vision as to where I am pose to be in ministry.
I can always fall back into..."I wanna start a ministry"...but my lack of study make my hands less than prepared for an assignment so big.
All I hear is get ready. Dont get weary...its coming. but what...