Day 23

He is Jealous for me.




About 1 1/2 year ago, this song marked a season of MOVEMENT for me. While at the time, the significance of the words, literally shaked the ground I was standing on, since then the Lord has given so much more revelation on such things.


He is Jealous for me.. Like REALLY...


During this Pruning season, He's shown me all of the GOOD things, I've placed before him, and He wants me back. HE want's to be the apple of my eye, my beloved, He wants my FULL attention. And I must say, God.. ahhhh! You've finally got it. NO MORE,... we don't have time.. to keep missing it, to keep being disobedient.. to keep on this path of mediocrity/ permissive christianity He wants it all. HE want us Holy, set apart, He wants us striving, SEEKING, and Worshipping with a pure heart, He want DEVOTION, He wants, INTIMACY, He wants me... He doesn't want my thoughts divided with those things that peas man or my flesh, even the "good" things, HE's Jealous.. and I Get it. There's so much work to be done for you kingdom Lord, thank you for this fire. I expect to come out smoother, better ready to serve ini whatever capacity you'd have me..


Holy = Set Apart

No way we coul dfathom all of who he is. In Jewish culture stating something Three times demonstrates PERFECTION. To say God is Holy Holy Holy = H e is perfectly set apart with nothing and no on to compare Him to.

That is what it means to be Holy.

( Exerpt from Francis Chan's - Crazy Love)

Driving to work this Morning, looking at the over cast sky and listeningto the rain. I couldn't even wrap my head around the truth that Go dis ETERNAL.. he always was and has been,a nd always will be.. All of us were created..that's our reality.. inside of time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what Go dhas done, from beginning to end.

Day 22

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go bear fruit---fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. John 15:16

(Sigh) this Morning, I felt like a sluggard. Stop being lazy Ashley, and BE OBEDIENT.

So I was listening to this message by Bill Johnson, and he had an interesting take on God's sovereignty. I must say, at first it sounded borderline heretical. He said that there is a difference from being in charge and being in Control of everything. I hope i can find the clip..so you can check it out, and share your thoughts.


.. to be continued

Day 21

so, today...

I went back to the church that I had been serving at for the past 2 years.. and yes, this is the same church he released me from about a month and a half ago. But I felt lead to go today, and to pray.. and join them for bible study tonight. And I did, and it was cool.

I got a chance to speak to one of the members for about an hour actually.. Now this brother has some type of "disability" where he can't speak clearly, or communicate, and sometimes he can't control other voluntary functions of the body. Now , when I first started attending the church, his speaking, and writing, seemed to be improving.. but over time, it seemed to have declined. Now this young man, loves the Lord, and is extremely devout. I've actually learned quite alot about diligence from this brother.. (okay that's my background info)

So today, I attempted to communicate with him.. Through out the entire conversation.. I was praying for him, and even laying on hands.. praying for healing, praying he be able to speak and that I'd b eable to understand, praying for interpretation..and at one point, as I layed hands on him, he began to speak, in pretty choppy, but clear sentences..then it would trail off into a mumble. But we started a conversation about Jesus. And I asked Him, if he believed that Jesus could heal him.. he said, yes , God is a healer. And God can Heal. But when I asked Him if he believed that he could be healed, he said "no". So I asked him why, and he said," no because I'm not sick. If I had the flu or a cold, God heal me God can heal. But then have to wait on the Lord.. "

Hmmm ... I just wonder..

So after that we read some of the stories with Jesus Healing in the bible, the deaf and mute man, the woman with an issue of blood, and I asked him again. HE said no. So I'm praying the Holy Spirit Give him understanding, of Jesus' power. I don't say this pridefully or anything.. but what happens, when he prays the prayer, for himself.. believing that Jesus can heal him. I hope we get to find out one day. I believe the Lord, wants to heal him :) Have your way Lord. Let his testimony bring millions to repentance.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

1 Peter 1: 15

But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: " Be Holy, because I am Holy."

Holy = set apart

The Bible says, they will know that we are christians by our LOVE..

so if it's love that distinguishes us.. it's love that set's us apart.

and this is an act of Holiness

then the only way we can truly Love is by the Spirit.

and the only way we can be HOly, is through His righteousness, bc our righteousness is like filthy rags, so that's by living by the Spirit..

so ultimately, the only way to e obedient to Jesus is through the SPirit, and to love is through the SPirit, and to be Holy is through the SPirit.. oo wee ..thank you Lord for the gift of Your Holy Spirit.. We'd literally be Lost with out him.

IRON - make sure you are eating these

I"ve been feeling really cold lately, and somethign is telling me I need more iron in my diet.

When going raw, it's important to make sure you are getting alot of these in your diet. I'm learning, I can't simply eat what i like. Must add soome variety. Turnip greens ar epretty spicy, and have a bite, but they are green and leafy therefore a great source of Iron, wich is important when guarding against anemia.

Vegetables -

• Green leafy such as broccoli,
• green cabbage
• kale
• spinach
• watercres

Fruit

• Oranges
• Grapefruit
• Guavas
• Paw paw
• kiwi

Dried Fruits

• Apricots
• Prunes
• Raisins

Nuts

Salad Vegetable contain Vitamin C and hhelp the body absorb iron

• Tomatoes ( go figure!)

Day 20

So, Yesterday. During prayer, I felt like I did when I was in that dream that I was in Haiti. I looked down, and I was topless... EXPOSED. This is a very vulnerable place. Tonight, I went to the Regional Prayer Meeting, and felt this release, while we prayed, for the city, and nation... and for ourselves... as soldiers. Lord, raise up Your soldiers to take on the battle, you've empowered us. I feel like, the deeper I go, the harder cry out, the more and more of my crap, is in there.. the more of my flesh is in there.. like.. geez.. still more Lord. We pray, Lord empty me.. but I never realized just How much of ME is in the mix.

I just want to be completely... POURED OUT .. for real.. like.. I don't want to do things anymore, jut because I'm supposed to. I want my responses to be REAL authentic heart responses.. I want my action to truly be motivated by Love. The love of the FATHER.. to push me to Love through action..

Right now I feel like I purged a whole lot (that I didn't even know was there) I'm wondering how much more.. but it's a strength that I can feel, like, letting go of that stuff, built me up.. it's weird but I like it.

The Lord has really been dealing with me abou t worship. Worshipping in Spirit and in truth. Tonight, I lead worship with some of my friends, and it was awesome. during practice, I could feel the Spirit soooo heavy like, literally weighing on me.., but its crazy how much of a press it was, while we were in front of people .. the enemy was busy.. How do we get COMPLETELY free from that .. performance, showy, religious stuff..yah know ?

I've been blessed to have so much Godly community, The Lord is really showing me, the variety of believer's that I'm connected to. It's such a blessing... and each week, there are more women, He's sending to pour into me. It's so exciting. What will tomorrow hold?

Day 19

This Word really helped me today! Thanks Lord..

John 15: 1-2

1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

I am in a season of Pruning, (it's CUTTING with a sharp object) and it hurts! like I didn't realize how much of my life was intertwined, and I couldn't see.. even before , I believe the Lord has told me it was time to be pruned. Thank God for His grace, sometimes I am disobedient, because I don't understand why... Like I couldn't comprehend it. How can something that is bearing such good visible fruit need to be cut... ?? it's good right? What I found, that there were some places that were overgrown, and out of order. So the Lord is now pruning my branches.. even though they were already bearing fruit.. just look at His word.. this is how it's supposed to work.

Today, I encountered a decision that had to be made, which resulted in many tears... but God. He even showed me, how he had arranged thing ahead of time... to be accomplished even before my plans were changed. But it's like, Ashley, when are you going to get it?.. it's REALLY not about Your plans baby..

Tonight during prayer, I could literally feel the Lord circumcising my heart.. and I weeped.. I weeped for the nation, for the city, for my lost family and friends, for the condition of the church, for the reality of the things going on around them, that I'm normally numb to. Like thank you Lord, I'm tired of having a hard heart so often. It's time for the walls to be rebuilt...it's time for the gates to be fixed. NO MORE forsaking the Lord, no more digging of my own cisterns. (Jer 2:13)

Then, not to mention..

I'm a cryer, "a weeper" as Tifany would say. I's time to be skillful in the crying.. (Jer 9:17) some situations need wailing women. the condition of the city, needs us.

So no more, not being able to feel.. I desire truly for a broken heart.. I want sooo much to be able to FEEL all the time. And yet be strong, yah know? Lord, birth a love motivation behind everything I do. Teach me how to pray.. In Jesus Name.. Amen

-Goodnight

Day 18

My sister Danielle is an anointed woman of God! What an Awesome time we had today, of sharing and community.. I LOVE Her, I'm so blessed... Grandma Hazel is a trip, so so strong and prayerful, my family is full of cryers. It's amazing how much release you get from shedding tears, I especially enjoy it, when they are motivated by Joy, and Love.. Congratulations Errin, I pray you have a Christ centered marriage.

Today I was reflecting on so many things...

His banner over me is LOVE... Goodnight.

Day 17 - God's Grace

This morning, I had a victory.

The last few days, the Lord has really been speaking,and revealing the REALITY of so many hidden places in my life. He showed me, how I'm disobedient, and How important and VITAl my obedience is to my being able to serve the Kingdom.

I'm so excited about this season.. I feel the presence of the Lord , when I wake up in the Morning, and feel I can feel His strength...

This morning, I was sharing what the Lord has been teaching me about obedience with my mom and she made a face and then a half comment... and then I almost shut down. (which is what I would have done normally) I was on the verge of being offended, and blocking off the lines of communication completely with her, which would have resulted in having to release and process it all later.. but the Lord showed me the lie of the enemy, and I was able to expose that thing. I said " you know what, I'm choosing not to be offended, I feel like the devil is working, and i really want to share the things the Lord is imparting into me." and that automatically cleared up the atmosphere. We then had a 30 minute conversation, that was awesome.... we were open and honest.and we were able to sharpen each other, and encourage, and delight in the Lord together.. It was sooo good!

2 Peter 1:2-4 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

Day ?? - I should figure this out right?

SO my attempt to Blog everyday has been a major FAIL! But I'm sill here.. Hopefully this get's more consistent. So much has happened since we've last convened.

A Number of Dreams I've had, since the beginning of this.. (which I will start to share on here!) My brother started blogging his, to record them,and check for common strands etc. and I thought to myself, that's a really great idea.. yippee!!! lol

Oh, and it dawned on me last night, during my quiet time... the Lord has been literally ORDERING my steps lately.. like He loves me that much.. to give me physical consequence for disobedience... like He won't let me sin in this area. for a while I was complaining about it. But when He revealed that it was discipline,and how he disciplines, those he loves.. I saw the miracle ! It's crazy.. I guess I should start from the beginning bc you guys don't have any idea what I'm talking about! lol

INSERT

TOMATO STORY HERE

so about 3 months ago, during a prayer meeting, I got a word that said " eat tomatoes, it will help your skin" at this point, I thought this was incredibly random. i tried it for a few days, but stopped, and said bump this..i don't care about my skin this much, these things are nasty. so I let it go and forgot about it.

Last week, I'm sitting here.. and my face is on fire!! I don't know why..it's just burning out of no where.. Two days of this, and I'm crying out to my firends and family to please pray.. please pray, i don' tknow what's going on. That evening, I asked Joshua, to pray for me, then he says.. wait.. didn't you get a word about tomatoes? like eat tomatoes for you skin or something?" I was like.. OMG!!! wow! yes.. I did.. now it's getting late, and I look in the fridge, of course i don't have any tomatoes, because I hate them! lol! anywho, I try to lay down.. can't do it. I'm in too much pain. I get up , it's now 1 AM and I get inthe car, ad drive to the grocery store. I caom ehome, eat 3 bites of the tomatoe, my face stops burning. I go right to sleep. The next morening, I wake up , my face is on fire, I eat some tomatoes, no more burning. Day 3, no burning, all day.. I get ready for bed, night before I go to sleep, my face starts burning.. like really? are you serious? I eat som etomatoes.. the burning stops. So i reason, wow, I have to eat tomatoes everyday, or else my face burns. It's seemed so trivial right?

I was actually almost complainig about it for a while..till the Lord showed me. the vese in proverbs 3: 12

Do not despoise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

like..wait. The Lord isn't letting me be disobedient!! wow! Like, I pray Lord guide my feet, order my steps..and He's actually doing it through a physical manifestiation. How cool is that!? HE Loves me so much, that he corrects me the way I NEED so that I will get it! I LOVE HIM! ahhh!

(to be continued)

DREAM - 9-22-2010

I was in this room..somewhere.. it was real dusty outide like Haiti or something.. but the room looked, like that room in the bottom of the tabernacle, at camp middlesex.. but everyone looked like there were in America.. like how they dressed, etc.. Joshua was talking about , what if he got hurt..or saying that he got hurt.. somebody had a hurt foot.. so maybe that was him.. I'mnot sure.. but we were waiting for these old missionaries or something to speak.. and people were settign up chairs in the room..like it was Jon Sothern, Rob Herbert, Damus, and Marcus I think.. setting up chairs in this room,a nd Joshua and I were sitting up front..kind of like we were when we did the talk with the kids... I think like the kids at Monroe..but they were big chairs..

At somepoint, I was alittle annoyed becasue someon ate allof my fruity mints.. (random) so.. there were people who came in.. to talk to us, or the seasoned missionary..not certain..but they were trying to get information on how to be different,and we were listening to see how we could support and empower them. Then I heard the word. DEFECTOR LOVE, DEFECTOR CHRISTIAN... DEFECTOR CHRISTIANITY...

it was like a safe house, for defector christians...

So I woke up like defector? what's that? so I thought about defector..when someone is in like a communist country..and seeking refuge in a free country. .

a defector christian..is one turning away from this false chistianity that been taught , going back to biblical christianity I think.. and we were equipping them.

Day 9

So.. the Lord told me to read the book of Luke today...

It's crazy, so many thing stuck out, that I NEVER noticed before.. (it blows my mind how that happens , when you read the word man.)

So I'm reading in Luke 1:45 " Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished."

This verse REALLY blessed me.. LIke, I know in the bible, when things are directed to men, often ..we as women can claim them. and embrace them.. bc it was to a crowd, and in language masculine words can be for everyone.. But here.. it's exhorting women.. and it encouraged me..

For along time, I struggled with doubting, when i heard specific things from the Lord.. partially I believe because I am a woman, and I am surrounded by some very powerful men of God , who hear prophetically from the Lord. And it was (at one time) pretty intimidating... so, I'd second guess things.. But the Lord DOES speak to me..and He shares things with me..and I am to cherish and treasure them.. and believe them .. believe that what H said will be accomplished .will be..

and as I kept reading. a word given to me by one of my Spiritual mothers this week, was to be carful who i cast my pearls to.. Luke 2:19 - and MAry treasured up all these thinfs and pondered them in her heart..

yes..there are some things we are to share.but it's just as important to listen, and pay attention to the things we are supposed to keep in and treasure and ponder.. :) it might not be yet their time to be revealed..and if there is any question..why not wait till the Lord revealed them yah know.?

God bless you all . and to all a goodnight!

Day 8

More..

Silence and Solitude..

I saw this beautiful picture..Jonathan Edwards gave a beautiful example of Silence and solitude.. I read this today in the book " Spiritual Disciplines of the Christian Life"

... According to Jonathan Edwards, this was a secret of the Godliness of his wife, Sarah. In his first record of her, penned while his future wife was still a teenager, he wrote, " She hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on Him... She loves to be alone, walking in the fields and groves, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her."

what a beautiful place to be!

I realized, how hard it is for me to get quiet.. like, there is something keeping from being alone in the secret place.. My aim is to fight it, no matter what, and press in .. Following Jesus Example.. I have to go to the solitary place..

Day 7

Okay, so this blogging everyday thing, REALLY is alot harder than I thought it would be.

But God is Sovereign...

My struggle these past few days has been consitency, and dilegence in my seeking. I desire to be more engulfed in the Word. Perhaps, I'm going to cut some of the more social aspects of my life down for this season. We shall see. So all weekend, I had this song in my head and the Lord told me to dance to it! check out the Lyrics

" who taught the sun, where to sit, in the morning,

and who told the ocean, you can only come this far,

and who told the moon, where to hide to evening,

who's words alone can catch a falling star?"

I KNOW.. MY REDEEMER LIVES!!!

Seeking out the truth about FAITH, and what it is.. Im learning and seeing, how important this word literally is, in regards to MY FAITH.. to my salvation.. to my confidence in Christ.. I made a list FAITHLESS vs. FAITHFUL..and relaly just asked the Lord to teach me about what it means to be both. I read Hebrews 11.. and in the first two verses it plainly tells you what FAITH is.. Faith is being SURE and CERTAIN.. there's NO room for doubt when it comes to faith.. I've been praying against my always seeking confirmation and validation through other people. I find it ahard sometimes to stand on my own convictions about things, while at the same time, I have this Hard outer shell, that goes hard, and can even be confrontational at times.. Hebrews 11: 2 .. By faith we understand that th universe was formed ar God's command, so tha what is seen was not made out of what is visible. That's HUGE, to really walk in the understanding that what is around us, was not made or birthed by some material God made it. and it even takes FAITH to believe that..

The next verse that stuck out to me was 2 Peter 1: 5 .. For hti svery reason, make every effort to add to you faith, goodness and to goodness knowledg, and to knowledge self control...

ADD to YOUR FAITH... you can't ADD to somethign you don't have.. This verse offers a guard against falling, liek.. this is how you can stand, and you ADD to the faith you have. Faith is like a muscle, it grows and it get's stronger. we can BUILD ontop of it.

What does it mean to TRULY rely on GOD? Will I pray the Prayer, Lord.. I ONLY want to rely on you ..Or LORD build my faith.. it' scrazy.. and yes, i prayed the prayer, but to think.. who knows how that specific prayer wil be answered.. it will probably mean harder times, some type of pruning, some type of struggle, that pushes me to that place. But I want ot be like Paul, who delighted in the hardships, and counted it a priveledge to be persecuted fo rthe Gospel.. How does someone really get to THAT point..a place of beign Wrecklessly abandoned.. I LOVE that phrase. right, it's sounds like a real christian..yah know.?? But it's like how do I REALLY get there?

uh oh . I can feel the itch.. I NEED TO PAINT.. Hopefully I will be able to post something soon.. Love you and thank you for your prayers.. Please continue to lift up CLAY..COmplete Healing..nd if you know a prayer warrior, and if you are one, please come into agreement,and cry out on behalf of this young man..

Day 3

Last night, I has an awesome time, in bibles study with Ruth. I truly believe the Lord has placed her in my life, for such a time as this. It's something about it, like, it's biblical , that the older woman pour into the younger. While we are both pursuing Christ, different personalities etc. But our desire is the same. Her humility, and her testimony of the Lord being the "Lover of her soul" so beautiful. Like, I truly desire to experience that, and I realized that yesterday. I've never quite gotten there. There are days when I'd wake up smitten by him, and giggly, and in Love. But to wake every morning, and anticipate, coming into the presence of a Lover, who is there, waiting for me.

So that was my plan, last night I was to Go Home, lay before the Lord, and experience an enchanting time in His presence. I came home, and shared with my family, my experience at the call, and realized that testimony was part of my evenings purpose. Finally get to my room,and take a shower, and am EXHAUSTED. I take time, to write down the prayer request, of my friends and family, then went through the list, crying out and interceding. But after my time in prayer, I passed out. I don't even remember going to sleep. And When i woke up this morning, i was a little flustered, because I had missed the prayer call and was running late for work. Then the Lord spoke to me. "Keep it simple." it was crazy, I didn't really know what it meant. But this overwhelming peace came over me this morning, as I began to prepare to leave for work.

When I got in the car, i finished listening to this message on " Mary of Bethany" - Jessica Willard, It's really ministered to me, over the past few years, constantly. Every time I listen to it, something new is highlighted. But it really spoke to me this morning, when i got the word " keep it simple".

Deuteronomy 6:5

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Love me wholly in everything you do.. Keep it simple..

Day 2

So, I already missed one day of Blogging (sigh)...

Judges 19, was shared with me earlier by the lovely Ms. Chanali, and it stuck out very strongly. I actually had looked at that verse not too long ago, and the gruesome picture of the levite literally cutting up his concubine who had been killed and shipping her body parts to the different houses of Israel. How come, every time Israel is without a king, they act CRAZY! The thing is, they were ALWAYS with a KING, the Lord..

Today was the first time,

I've ever been excited about FREE SALAD

at the office..

crazy huh!? but I tore it up.

14 day's going hard after God's Heart.. I found, that this is something that he continues to reveal, constantly. Lately I've been touched by the Sex trafficking sermons, and conversations. God's heart Breaks for that. A loveless Church, God's heart breaks for that. Apathetic Disciples, God's heart Breaks for that. What are the things that I do, which causes God's heart to break.

I say that I desire for everything I do to be motivated by love.. so the things I choose not to do, is it because I'm not loving as I should?

When I pray a prayer for MORE faith, and a prayer for humility.. Why is it that I begin to second guess and worry about whether or not I really mean that prayer? Do I really desire to go DEEPER in God? If so then why is it that I can spend 7 hours outside of work with friends, discussing the woes of the world and the kingdom, and not spend 20 minutes with Him.

As I've been " pursuing" God's heart, He's been revealing my own heart, and ultimately how FAR from His it is. it's utterly Heartbreaking...

I've really got to get my priorities straight, please come into agreement with me on this prayer.

Thanks.

100 Days RAW - John 14:15

I Don't want to get into all of the details of, WHY , I was told to do this... but all I know is that I was. I'm a little nervous because this is a huge commitment, and I hate breaking covenant, especially with the Lord, and I must say, this will probably be one of the greatest challenges i've faced in my life. Lord give me Grace, to be faithful till the end! - In Jesus Name Amen

During this Journey, I will be primarily seeking MORE...

I desire for my FAITH to Be Increased. Psalm 101:3

I want everything I do to be motivated from a place of LOVE in my heart.

I need to MEMORIZE more of God's Word, so that I will have weapon to fight the battles that are before me now along with those to come.

I want to FINISH reading the Old Testament (I've already started, but need to finish)

I want to be a life poured out, which means EMPTY of pride and self righteousness.

I'm seeking more specific DIRECTION.

Along with my personal goals during this fast, I will be interceding for and lifting up Clay for his complete healing of cancer (Histiocytic Sarcoma.).

Myself along with nearly 50 others will be agreeing in prayer on this,

and petitioning on his behalf.

If you are a fellow believer, Please pray for Clay.

Throughout the next few months, I will be posting any research or findings about going RAW as well, along with recipes of things I like and dislike.